Me & pre race anxiety

So I've got my first half marathon in two days.. seeing this on the website of the race.. not terrifying at all!

Ok so as of right now I have 2 days & a lot of pre race fear ahead of me. 

I planned to keep myself busy this weekend anyway - tomorrow is a hard day. It's my mums birthday who is no longer here to celebrate it, and that sucks.

So this weekend is a good weekend to distract myself anyway.. I say that but I've been trying to 'distract' myself all week keeping busy with work etc. but my mind hasn't really stopped.

I'm dreading Saturday, I'm dreading Sunday, but in a way the thoughts from Saturday will get me through Sunday. 

My mum fought with restricted lungs (Mesothelioma) for a whole 5 MONTHS when she had originally been given 2 WEEKS. So I'm pretty sure I can run a half marathon with my 100% functioning lungs for just 2 hours. She'll be with me & I WILL get through it.

Again I say that..
but I'm still scared. 

I'm running solo and so I keep thinking I can maybe try chat to someone on the way to keep me motivated, make a friend, but small talk is definitely not on my list of talents.

(Awkward 'aha!' laughs however, not too brag, but I've got that DOWN!)

Anyway so I have no one there to motivate me, it's just me & my feet.

So apart from motivation what else am I actually anxious about?

(Disclaimer even writing this down is making me sweaty!)

#1 - Getting there. This is stressing me out so much - I planned to get the train and now there's diversions and my partner has offered to drive me instead (I'm now aiming to get there HOURS early.. that guy deserves a medal to be coming with me! (thank you) ).

#2 - I can't do it.

#3 - I'll be slow.

#4 - People I know will think I was slow (that's ok but I can't help taking most things personally).

#5 - I'll look awful.

#6 - I'll be super sweaty (hoping people don't wiff me on the run).

#7 - There will be SO MANY PEOPLE (I'm really not good with close proximity).

#8 - They've got Lucozade at the energy stops - I haven't ever had this on a run.

#9 - Am I going to get bowel issues?! I never have but that could add minutes on to my time and we're on the clock people! 

#10 - Will the queues for the loo before hand be huge?

#11 - Will I find my partner after the run?

#12 - It's not a flat course - are the hills comparable to my normal ones?

...

and the list goes on.

I'm an over thinker so I know this isn't necessarily normal - but I imagine more people have these fears than they make out.

Despite all this I'm still excited (I think) and I can't wait for my wave to start off (maybe) but either way I WILL run it and I WILL be OK and I WILL finish.

It's OK to be scared.

You're not alone.

You can do this.

Run.

(Pre-race mantra!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Always remember, that sometimes, freedom is only a run away.

#runyourmindfree