#runyourmindfree

So here it is, my first blog post.

I should probably start at the beginning, with the title.

What does it mean to #runyourmindfree?

For me it's simple. It all started one summers day in 2015 when I realised I needed to make sure I can run when I had been convinced to sign up for a Tough Mudder a few months away. I had no idea if I could even put one foot in front of the other continuously for a reasonable interval of time (hopefully not at snails pace) and not die.

At the back of my mind before that first training run was regret at signing up for the Tough Mudder (the reason I was having to start training in the first place), a complete lack of faith in my ability to run, climb and conquer and a general apprehension at even attempting a first friendly 5km run with my friends. Luckily the person that had convinced me to sign up was a regular runner, knew what they were doing, and had no doubt that that first 5k run to start training was just going to be a definite. I don't think she ever even considered I wouldn't be able to do it, and that kids, is the kind of confidence we need sometimes.

It might sound a bit dramatic. All I was planning to do is meet two friends and go for a run for around half an hour. That was it. But it seemed so much bigger than that.

At this point you may think starting a fitness journey is difficult and daunting and everyone feels like this at the beginning. The thing is, I wasn't 'unfit' I did several hours of power yoga a week and cycled 15 minutes too and from work everyday as well as walking everywhere else (I still can't drive at the age of 25) and having a favourite recreational sport of hiking means I was definitely at least your average fitness level. I enjoy sports. I enjoy the outdoors. I enjoy being active. So why the anxiety?

Anxiety is my crux, my enemy, by unrelenting demon, my oldest friend and my biggest foe. 

I don't think I ever remember not being anxious. I was always a bit different, a bit weird, awkward and generally the odd one out, so just daily communication, socialisation and getting on with things has always immediately brought me anxiety. Will I make myself sound stupid? Will people like me? Will people want to hang out with me? Will anyone make rude comments? Will I have anything to talk about? Will I stumble on my words, say the wrong words, or say something to be funny that's just a bit weird? 

All of the above probably happened the majority of days in my younger life. The anxiety just exacerbated my slightly unusual way of thinking and communicating.

Although now in later life I've managed to contain my weirdness, I'm still awkward, say the wrong thing and people don't really get me, but now at least in adult life it's more accepted and rather than being rejected I guess people just accept that I'm slightly odd. 

Despite this the anxiety is still there, and controls a considerable portion of my daily mental capacity. I think I'm quite good at concealing it - but it gets very overwhelming and causes me to have a short attention span and I'm constantly in my head over thinking. 

That is until I run.

My mind quickly becomes focused and calm, almost emptying itself of the build up of thoughts tumbling around, and genuinely becomes free, open and spacious (imagine a new white unfurnished room, or a grand empty cathedral, or a peaceful meadow in the dying light of day). 

Running is my safe place, and I am always happy there. 

I never expected to find anything in running. I'd never found solace in anything else, so why would I think pounding the streets would do any actual good? I expected to hate it. It is after all pretty hard work. The key for me I guess is from that first run, and increasingly on every run since, once I start running, once I manage to persuade myself to make that step out of the door, it isn't really work anymore. The serenity and freedom I get from running is unbelievably liberating for me. Allowing me to relax and return to me. That freedom outdoes any negativity, any muscular twinges, or breathlessness caused by running to the point that compared to the cage of anxiety, running is childs play. 

I think I almost forgot who I was and running helped me find me again - and its a good me. A happy, healthy, smiling, grateful and ultimately free me.

And that for me is the meaning behind #runyourmindfree.

I've started this blog in the hope to share my experience with running, what it has done, and continues to do for me, and share a bit of myself (which has never been my strong point). 

I'm not miraculously anxiety free. In truth I'm far from it. But, I want to use this space to share what I learn with you. I'm currently training for my first half marathon and I hope to be writing regularly with my running goals and endeavours. Talking about how I approach my challenges and what my weekly training has looked like, as well as race reviews from the point of view of a pretty average amateur runner. I will also be reviewing other new techniques I hope to try and use to further develop my running and what I gain from it both physically and mentally. 

I hope you've enjoyed this blog, and please come back for more.

Share your stories of how running, health, fitness or anything has liberated you and helped you find yourself again in the comments down below and use the hashtag #runyourmindfree on social media. I would love to hear from you.

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